With “Parenting By Personality,” you will learn to work with your child’s unique personality, not against it. When you talk, they will listen better and more effectively follow your guidance. When your child talks, you will better understand what they are sharing about their feelings, their experiences, and their perspectives. You will be able to lower stress in your relationship and in your home. And you will be able to connect with your child or teen in ways you did not think were possible. All this leads to a deeper, more consistent ability to respond to your child with patience and love while teaching them to be responsible, resilient, and to work with others in a positive way.
Our program is different from other programs because…
ColorWorks utilizes all aspects of Temperament Theory, combining information on your child’s Interaction Style (Introvert and Extrovert) and their Primary and Secondary Temperament. We use “colors” to identify each of the four basic temperaments: Golds are our Structured Organizers & Rule Follower Kids. Oranges are our Freedom Fighters & Action-Oriented Kids. Greens are our Logical Thinkers & Problem Solver Kids. Blues are our Intuitive Feeler & Peacemaker Kids
Yes, we help you discover your own personality type, and your child’s, but then we go way beyond that to focus on how to apply that knowledge in deeply meaningful ways that improve everyday communication, that guides your children as they change behavior, and that addresses stress and stress reactions effectively and builds resilience in your child.
You will learn four effective family communication skills that we call: “Cheer Talk,” for praising your child in ways that build self-worth. “Counselor Talk,” for de-escalating strong, negative emotions and stress reactions. “Coach Talk,” for guiding your child when they need to change their behavior. “Course Correction” for effectively teaching accountability through consequences that are not too harsh. As you learn each “talk,” we show you how to customize your communication and parenting efforts with your child’s personality type in mind. Your parenting successes go way up, and your children grow up happy, secure, confident, and responsible. Our program also focuses on four Key Parenting Principles: Gratitude, Compassion, Responsibility, and Accountability.
Are you an Introvert or an Extrovert? Read our descriptions and determine where you fall on the Introvert/Extrovert continuum.
Understanding your personality type will allow you to recognize the basic needs, values, and behaviors you use to guide your self-discipline.
Once you figure out your personality type, what’s next? Let's take a look at how to communicate more effectively to those around you, build stronger relationships, and gain a deeper understanding of yourself.
This is the first layer of your personality. Your interaction style has a significant impact on the outward appearance of your Colors. We label your interaction style by placing you on the Introvert/Extrovert continuum; this means that you can be intensely Introverted, extremely Extroverted, or anywhere in-between. Being an Introvert or an Extrovert is based upon two factors: how you process your information, either internally or externally, and how you recharge your batteries, by being alone or being with others. Scroll down for brief descriptions of what Introverted and Extroverted adult and children look like
I share my ideas and feelings cautiously and usually only with people I trust. I pause and think before I speak. Too much time in a large, noisy group is stressful and can be exhausting. I can appear talkative and social, but it drains me and I need to be alone afterward to unwind. I am protective of my personal space and my possessions. Mingling and small talk are NOT my scene. It really bugs me when people chatter on and on about nothing important.
Generally, I do not hesitate to share ideas and feelings with other people, even with complete strangers! I often say exactly what is on my mind with very little thinking time between brain and mouth. I am re-energized by being around other people, even if I do not know them. I can be still, quiet, and appear reserved, but it leaves me feeling dull, bored, and sleepy. I am reasonably comfortable when people are close in my personal space and I share possessions easily. I think mingling and small talk are a great way to meet new people. Sitting in silence can annoy me and make me feel anxious or nervous depending on the company I am with.
Introverted kids focus on their own thoughts or feelings. Even as a parent, you might not know what they are thinking or feeling unless you ask. When you do ask, they tend to tell you, but may need some time to figure out what they are feeling first. Teachers often describe them as quiet and may say that they don’t participate in class. As the parent, you know that they are listening and just not talking out loud; they are internally processing any information they receive. They are re-energized by a little alone time, some one-on-one time with you, or by zoning out on the TV or PlayStation.
Extroverted kids seem to focus more on things around them and on other people rather than themselves. They are usually talkative and as a parent you often know what they are thinking or feeling because they will tell you without being asked. They tend to ask lots of questions or tell you long, involved stories. They generally do not like to be by themselves; they would rather be with others and often “come alive” or get a “second wind” from being with friends or family.
The Adult Color Descriptions below give you a deeper understanding of what each color looks like. Each color has a specific set of values, needs, stressors, stress behaviors, strengths, and so on. Click a toggle and read below to discover what your colors are.
Adult Blues Value Practices and People That Are: Considerate, genuine, approachable, and who take the time to allow them to understand and be understood.
Needs: To connect, build relationships, and communicate without other people’s judgement or negativity.
Biggest Stressors: Mean or insincere people, conflict, judgment, and disharmony.
Adult Blues Make Their Decisions: By focusing on how their decisions and actions will affect or impact their loved ones and those around them.
Three Adjectives to Describe Adult Blues: Intuitive, communicative, and sensitive.
Words and Phrases Used by Adult Blues: Adult Blues say, “I feel” instead of “I think” because they are taking others’ feelings into consideration when making their own decisions. Ex: “I feel like we should go to that movie.”
As an Extrovert: Extroverted Adult Blues appear warm, talkative, and engaging. Extroverted Blues think of everyone as a friend, tend to use “touch” communication, and can easily share their concerns with others. They are the most naturally skilled communicator of the 16 color combinations.
As an Introvert: Introverted Adult Blues are equally warm and engaging, yet tend to reserve their worries, ideas, and “touch” communication for people they know and trust. As natural communicators, Introverted Blues will appear to be the most talkative and social of all the introvert color types.
A Note on the Color Continuum: Blue and Green are the decision making elements of our personality and exist on the same continuum. Therefore, you cannot be a Blue first color and a Green second color because of the contrasting way these two colors reach a decision. As a Blue, you make your decisions by evaluating how the chosen action will impact those around you. You may run scenarios in your head to help you reach a decision. If you find that you identify as a Blue first color and a Green second color, ask yourself the following questions: Was I raised by a strong Green parent or caregiver who stressed the importance of being logical rather than emotional? Is my career field technical? Does my job require me to compartmentalize my emotions? Have I been in a relationship with a Green for several years? Am I a man? If you answered yes to any of these questions then there is a possibility that your environment and/or gender is impacting your Color choice. To find out more about how environment and gender can influence personality types visit our Membership page.
Adult Greens Value People That: Are competent, avoid needless small talk, are logical, and who can analyze situations to reduce unnecessary steps to accomplish tasks.
Needs: As much information as possible when making a decision or when solving a problem. Adult Greens accept phrases like “I don’t know the answer to that” as valid information. Adult Greens need to be allowed the independence to figure things out for themselves.
Biggest Stressors: Stupidity (their own and others’), emotional outbursts (their own or others’), and being forced to make quick decisions without all the information they think they need.
Adult Greens Make Their Decisions: Based on logic, data, past learning experiences, or a combination of all three of these elements.
Three Adjectives to Describe Adult Greens: Discerning, competent, and composed.
Words and Phrases Used by Adult Greens: Adult Greens say “I think” instead of “I feel” because they are using logic to navigate the decision making process. Their goal is to implement decisions that will allow them to appear competent. They will use phrases like “I think that person is rude.”
As an Extrovert: Extroverted Adult Greens talk in factual points, often use diagrams to explain what they are talking about, and typically have a logical flow to their conversation. As an Extrovert, an Adult Green may come across as a know-it-all. Extroverted Adult Greens naturally refrain from sharing all of their information and are the most reserved of all Extroverted personality types.
As an Introvert: Introverted Adult Greens may appear aloof and disconnected, especially to people they are not close with or when a discussion involves emotions. You often have to draw conversation out of them and when they do talk it is “get to the point” communication. Introverted Adult Greens are often misconstrued as being critical because they are focused on gaining information or problem solving rather than making emotional connections.
A Note on the Color Continuum: Green and Blue are the decision making element of our personality, meaning they exist on the same continuum. Therefore, you cannot be a Green first color and a Blue second color because of the contrasting way these two colors reach a decision. As a Green, you make your decisions using logical reasoning; is this a smart or stupid thing to do? Will I appear intelligent or idiotic as a result of this decision? If you are a natural Green first color and think your second Color might be Blue, ask yourself the following questions: Was I raised by a nurturing Blue parent or caregiver who stressed the importance of being compassionate? Is my career field oriented around serving others where I am required to take people’s feelings into consideration? Am I married to a first color Blue? Am I a woman? If you answered yes to any of these there is a possibility that your environment or gender is influencing your ability to pick your first color. To find out more about how environment and gender can influence personality types visit our Membership page.
Adult Oranges Value Practices and People That Offer: Freedom, efficiency, and secure boundaries they can operate within as they please.
Needs: Freedom, flexibility, and rewards (both intrinsic and extrinsic).
Biggest Stressors: Rules, strict routines or instructions, and the absence of measurable compensation.
Adult Oranges Organize Their World: Flexibly, with negotiable plans and the ability to adapt in the moment.
Three Adjectives to Describe Adult Oranges: Practical, resilient, and decisive.
Words and Phrases Used by Adult Oranges: Subtle Negotiation tactics, like repeatedly bringing the topic of conversation back to a place that will get their needs met, and verbs that express action, like “hurry up.” Instead of dealing with a frustrating situation, Adult Oranges will often simply say ” I’m outta here” and leave.
As an Extrovert: Extroverted Adult Oranges appear to be constantly on the move, doing ten things at once and accomplishing their tasks quickly, but not necessarily thoroughly. Extroverted Oranges can seem like they are easily distracted, however they are simply extremely adept at multitasking and prefer to be working on several projects at once.
As an Introvert: Introverted Adult Oranges conserve their energy and appear to be procrastinating, but they are actually balancing their desire to have freedom in the moment with their innate ability to complete tasks quickly on their own terms.
A Note on the Color Continuum: Gold and Orange are the “in the moment” element of our personality and they exist on the same continuum; both of these Colors tell us how to organize our world, but in two very different manners. Therefore, you cannot be an Orange first color and a Gold second color because of the contrasting ways these two colors handle “the moment.” As an Orange, you organize your moment with a deep undertone of flexibility and change directions easily; lacking the freedom to change course in the moment is extremely frustrating for you. If you are a natural Orange first color and you think Gold may be your second color ask yourself the following questions: Was I raised by a dominant Gold parent or caregiver who told me the way I naturally did things was “wrong” and I needed to be more focused? Do I spend a lot of time in a structured work environment which requires me to stick to a rigid schedule? Am I in a relationship with a Gold? If you answered yes to any of these there is a possibility your environment is influencing your ability to pick your natural first color. To find out more about how our environment can influence personality types visit our Membership page.
Adult Golds Value Practices and People That Offer: Structure, consistency, and clear expectations.
Needs: Stability, security, and control over chaos.
Biggest Stressors: Disorder, feeling powerless, and change.
Adult Golds Organize Their World: Through plans, routines, lists, and societal norms.
Three Adjectives that Describe Adult Golds: Reliable, organized, and punctual (while this may not always happen, Golds strive to be punctual as often as possible).
Words and Phrases Used By Adult Golds: “Should”–as in “you should have,” “she should not,” and “we should go.”
As an Extrovert: Extroverted Adult Golds appear bossy, abrupt, and opinionated. They are striving to take control of a situation in order to get things done as efficiently as possible and according to a plan, especially if it appears no one else is willing to take charge.
As an Introvert: Introverted Adult Golds will have strong opinions they are passionate about but usually only share them with those they trust deeply. They will work behind the scenes to ensure everything flows properly.
A Note on the Color Continuum: Gold and Orange are the “in the moment” element of our personality and they exist on the same continuum; both of these Colors tell us how to organize our world, but in two very different ways. Therefore, you cannot be a Gold first color and an Orange second color because of the contrasting manner these two colors handle “the moment.” A Gold organizes the moment by making a plan and sticking to it; changes to the plan cause a Gold stress and frustration. If you are a natural Gold first color and you think Orange may be your second color ask yourself the following questions: Was I raised by an Orange parent or caregiver who instilled a strong sense of spontaneity and fun in my upbringing? Does my job require me to be extremely flexible and multitask consistently? Am I in a relationship with an Orange? If you answered yes to any of these there is a possibility that your personal life experiences are influencing your ability to pick out your first Color. To find out more about how our environment can influence personality types visit our Membership page.
There are 16 Different Color Combinations. They are…
You CANNOT be a blue/green or green/blue. Nor can you be an orange/gold or gold/orange. As green/blue is the decision making dimension of our personalities. Whether we base decisions off of a logic system (green) or a value system (blue). At the same time orange/gold is how we organize the moment. Either through flexibility (orange) or through structure (gold). So you see, it doesn’t make sense and quite frankly doesn’t work to make your decisions based on two different ways of thinking or organize the moment in two very different ways.
You can however feel somewhere in the middle when it comes to extrovert and introvert. If that is that case we have very specific in depth Color Combination Descriptions that you can read to determine your interaction style.
The Kids Color Descriptions below give you a deeper understanding of what your child’s color looks like and maybe some insight into why they do the crazy things they do. Similar to the adults each color has a specific set of values, needs, stressors, stress behaviors, strengths, and so on. Click a toggle and read below to discover what your child’s colors are.
Blue Kids Value Adults and Friends Who: Are warm, gentle and kind, and who encourage them to explore their imagination and talk about their dreams.
Needs: To build connections with people, places, and things they love. They need to feel they are listened to and understood by people in their world.
Biggest Stressors: Angry, harsh, and negative people. Blue children can also be stressed out by loud people.
Noticeable Stress Behaviors: Clinginess and dramatic behaviors. When overwhelmed by emotions, Blue kids can become withdrawn or melt down.
Three Adjectives to Describe Blue kids: Tender-hearted, compassionate, and talkative.
Phrases you hear your Blue say: Blues are the natural communication color type so their speech is filled with their feelings and ideas: “I feel ____” “I love you” “I’m worried about …” “Nobody likes me/ understands me”
As an Extrovert: Blue kids are chatty, affectionate, and make friends easily. They are people focused and love to help their parents, teachers, and friends. They share their feelings easily and want to be physically near their loved ones. When they are overwhelmed with emotions they often become dramatic; generally, Blue children cry easier than any other color type. They can become attached to possessions due to the connection they have made to them.
As an Introvert: Blue kids are gentle, considerate and often appear to be dreamers. They want to be physically close to their loved ones, but can also play alone extremely well, lost in their imaginations. They make friends easily, but tend to have only a few close friends. When overwhelmed by emotions they often retreat and cry in private, especially the closer they get to the tween/teen years. They become attached to possessions like their Extroverted counterparts for the same reason, which causes them to be resistant of letting go of things and moving on.
A note on Blue boys: Blue boys are the rarest color type and often do not fit the typical mold of the what a first color Blue looks like. In early childhood, they do fit the general description of a Blue and are affectionate, chatty, and cry easily when overwhelmed by emotions. However, once they enter adolescence Blue boys learn to project their second color out as a way to “fit in” better with other boys. Since humor is the great equalizer, they often use joking, rowdiness, and sarcasm to divert attention off of difficult situations which might otherwise cause them to become emotional.
Green Kids Value Adults and Friends Who: Are logical, respond to them without being overly emotional, and who allow them to experiment and problem solve independently.
Need: More information than any other color type, answers to their frequent “why” questions, extra time to think and process their ideas, and the space to do and act independently.
Biggest Stressors: Illogical people, overly emotional people, and being forced to make quick decisions.
Noticeable Stress Behaviors: Green kids can be stubborn and argumentative, or they appear to disconnect and be scatter- brained if they are overwhelmed.
Three adjectives to describe Green kids: Curious, independent, and clever.
Phrases you hear your Green say: They are all about gaining information in order to understand everything around them, so their speech is laced with questions, especially “why” questions. You might also hear them correct other people’s information if they think they know more about the subject. They say, “I think” even when they really mean, “I feel.”
As an Extrovert: Green kids share their ideas, ask questions, and talk about things they are interested in easily, yet struggle to verbally express their emotions. They rarely worry about how other people perceive them unless they respect that person. They will press you for information, but you will often have to draw information out of a Green child even if they are an Extrovert. They are the least talkative Extrovert of all color types and will often come across as blunt, but they are really just getting to the point.
As an Introvert: Green kids share their ideas and questions cautiously and often reserve them for people they trust or have respect for. They struggle to connect to their emotions and they often express their feelings through frustration and angry tears. It takes considerable effort to figure out the thoughts and feelings of a Green child. They are the most aloof of all the 4 color types and tend to be private, need a lot of alone time, and have very few close friends.
A note on Green girls: Green girls are the second rarest color type and therefore do not always match the general descriptions for a Green. For example, they can be attentive care givers like Blues, but instead of trying to a build an emotional connection like Blue they are striving to be a competent sibling or babysitter. They often struggle to fit in with other girls and may have more male friends, or just a few girl friends who they perceive “get them.” They tend to cry more than Green boys, but their tears are ones of frustration not of hurt or sadness as a Blue girl would experience. They gravitate toward toys which allow them to experiment, construct, or design and they tend to favor video games more than girls of other color types.
Orange Kids Value Adults and Friends Who: Are fun, easy going and flexible, and who grant them the freedom to act in their unique way based on if it ‘feels right” or if it “seems logical.”
Need: To have the flexibility to change their direction and focus at will, to be shown the reward for their actions, and to understand their boundaries up front.
Biggest Stressors: Restrictions, being told “No” repeatedly, and overly controlling parents, siblings, and teachers.
Noticeable Stress Behaviors: Acting stubborn or rebellious, arguing, and procrastinating.
Three Adjectives to Describe Orange kids: Spontaneous, resilient, and tenacious.
Phrases you hear your Orange say: Any phrase where they are “working to make your No their Yes” and trying to create a win situation for them. They also use short phrases which express their ability to move on such as: “I don’t know why I ___,” “It doesn’t matter anymore,” and “I’m so done with___.”
As an Extrovert: Orange kids are in constant motion and quickly shift from one activity or train of thought to another. They appear to be easily distracted, forgetful, and struggle to follow through with tasks assigned to them. They are resilient, get over difficult situations quickly, and do not hold grudges. They are all about extremes: they are either going a mile a minute or are a complete lump on the couch. These contrasting behaviors are especially prominent as they get closer to the tween and teen years.
As an Introvert: Orange kids are constantly busy as well, but their busy looks like a cat: lounging, sleeping, playing Xbox, watching Netflix, reading, etc. They are the “sneaky” color type because they are “working to make your No their Yes” while you are not watching. They get distracted easily, are highly resilient, and do not hold grudges just like their extroverted counterparts. However, they are the master procrastinator who finish everything, from chores to homework, in the last minute.
Gold Kids Value Adults and Friends Who: Are dependable, who follow rules and play fair, and who offer structure while honoring their need for a plan.
Need: A low level of chaos in their life, to be on time and prepared, and to understand exactly what is expected of them before they make a decision.
Biggest Stressors: Frequent or last minute changes, tardiness, chaos, and feeling powerless or out of control.
Noticeable Stress Behaviors: Acting stubborn or bossy, being a tattle-tale or blaming others, and using very blunt, harsh phrases.
Three adjectives to describe Gold kids: Responsible, obedient, and dependable.
Phrases you hear your Gold say: “Should” is their go-to word because it expresses expectations such as: “You should not …” “I think I should …” “He should never…” They also keep score and time out loud such as: “It’s 4 o’clock right now! We are already late!” and “He got that one last time, it’s my turn this time…that’s not fair.”
As an Extrovert: Extrovert Gold kids are dependable and helpful but can appear bossy, especially with siblings and friends who are not following the plan or the rules. In an attempt to create order, they will tattle, parent their parents, and point out what’s unfair. They tend to bring structure in to their play and will take charge of rules and activities. When they blame others during discipline it is their desperate way of saying “I hate disappointing you, please don’t point out what I did wrong!”
As an Introvert: Introvert Gold kids are also dependable and helpful, but they are quietly bossy so they don’t get in trouble for it. When they choose to tattle it is often after the moment has passed and it is to someone they trust. They will create order and structure, but it is done alone more often than with others, like lining up toys in a row or organizing things in to categories. If they get into trouble, they will try to shift the blame off themselves to get out of the spotlight. They’re saing “I hate being the center of attention for disappointing you!”